Day 81.

Motion Sickness

Everything moves so fast
At a standstill in the center
I notice movement forward and around and sometimes back
But movement, yes, movement
So foreign

Muscles atrophying
Limbs inflexible
Heart unsure
Toes tingling
Mind & spirit stuck. Stuck.
Mouth
Opening
and
Closing
Stuck.
(Fuck.)
Fists
Clenching
and
Unclenching
Feet
Standingstill.
Standstill.
Stuck.
Stuck.

Lover, come and save me from this immobility
Wrap your hands around my waist
And pull me from my center
Into the world of movement
Teach me the steps to the dance of forward motion
Guide me, show me where to put my hands and how my feet should move
I'll do it. I'll be a good girl.
I know how to follow directions.

Lover, don't tell me again I must propel myself
That that is the dance,
To unfurl from that deep place inside that no one else can reach.
I told you, I am stuck. Immobile.
Come pull me from this standstill,
Fling me if you must into the chaos.
But don't let me stand here
Fists
Clenching
and
Unclenching.
Mouth
Opening
and
Closing.
Breath
Barely sustaining
This posture. This stance.
Standing in this alone-ness
Crossed arms
Observing motion
Aching to belong.