Monday, February 13, 2012

Day 375.

So sick. Been sleeping all day. Fever, body aches, coughing, sneezing, shortness of breath. Lungs mad at me, trying to take a break. Grogginess.

Was feeling uncared for, a bit. My boss insinuated that I was faking yesterday when I went into work and realized that I was actually way too sick to be there. I freaked out and started crying. I know I have been getting sick a lot, but I didn't do it on purpose and I'm not faking, for crying out loud. I was pissed. Then I went on to work all day, which did me no favors. It was officially the worst work day I've ever had there.

I told him it's a bigger problem than just me when all of us keep coming in to work sick because there's no one to cover us and we keep getting each other sick and it's a big fucked up cycle. Also, the things I can't say, because every time I do, it gets brushed aside like I'm just being overly sensitive. My work environment is toxic to me, I know this. (Emotional & social toxicity aside, even.) The bleach, the Fabuloso cleaning product. Even just what happens when someone wearing cologne sits at the bar for an hour. I get sick sick sick. I don't know what I'm supposed to do about this. I can't have a job like this. It's killing my body. I don't know any way out of this. I need to pay my bills, I've been desperately searching for a job in which I can control some of these factors. Ugh.

My brain isn't working well. My sentences are crumbly, I just want to check out of my body and my brain for a bit. Maybe I'll end with this:

Dear Capitalism,

Fuck You.


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