Day 521.

Day 520.

Walk the dog. Do jo kata. Scrub the tub. Clean the stovetop. Bathe thyself lovingly. Make gangster-ass delicious, healthy lunch. Go to work. Be unstoppable.

Day 519.

So this is what it feels like to be chronically ill.

Up until about a year and a half ago, I got sick once a year. Rarely, twice. Usually it would be an ass-kicker of a cold or flu, and after a few days of hell, I would be back on my feet. Starting about a year or a year and a half ago, I started to get sick more frequently. Way more frequently. It soon became once a month. And for the past few weeks, I have been inexplicably and pretty much constantly exhausted. As of a few days ago, I have not one but two ear infections.

Day 518.

Two severe ear infections.

Day 517.

Still sick. Still pretending I'm not. Ugh.

Day 516.

Eardrums blocked and hurting. This illness disconcerting. Everything breaking, too much time
To lie around
And obsess about inconsistencies,
Desire,
And this deteriorating body,
Fingernails digging into, clinging to the improbable possibilities
Of regeneration, procreation,
Newness.

Day 515.

Sick again. Always sick. Can't escape the nagging feeling that something big is wrong.