Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Day 69.

Oh, look. I allowed an expression to happen.

Sixty-nine days of documenting my growth, and I'm not sure I can pinpoint a thing at all that is different than it was sixty-nine days ago. But I know things have changed. I've watched my body change. The growth of my hair is a reminder that slow transformation is not only possible, but that it is inevitable. Unlike the constant growth of hair, however, my spiritual, mental, and emotional transformation is malleable, something I can manipulate, guide. I know that many who are closer to mastering the transformation of self may be able to guide these changes through practice, through intention, through hard work. Sometimes I feel like a baby, just learning . . . because I am lucky at this point if I notice. Just simply notice that a change is occurring. Just simply notice that I am acting or living or loving in a way that feels good, productive, compassionate, and like who I want to be. Or not. Luckily I can also notice sometimes that I am hurtful/hurt, abusive/wounded, angry/sad . . . the "me" of not that long ago could not even notice these things.

Often I have focused my noticing on that which happens outside of me. Here, now, I am trying to notice mySelf.

So I can aim for practice, while applauding my progress in the realm of noticing. I'm experiencing gratitude for this process and these photos and this space for helping me to notice mySelf.

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