Thursday, June 23, 2011

Day 140.

I want to take all the prettiest things I've ever written and put them here . . . because maybe then you will love me. Maybe then you will want to come be around me, and hold my hand, and sing songs with me and eat food with me and run around on sunny days with me. And remind me that I am loved, that I deserve to be loved.

I struggle with writing this here. I feel as though there is some unwritten code about how people are only ever supposed to be positive & optimistic online. The code says we can not document our sorrows, our loneliness, our depression, or our oppression . . . all of which are so inextricably linked, and so undeniably human. And the denial of which is a learned behavior, imposed on us so as to further our oppression. Because if we are experiencing pain at the state of humanity on an individual level, and we express it and move through it and ask for help and hold others accountable and hold ourselves accountable . . . well, that would be transformative, wouldn't it? And transformative thought & action is a great tool in dismantling oppressive systems. And heaven forbid we do that.

So, I won't succumb. I'll bring this bad day to my blog. I'll say, I wish I could just believe in magic today, and focus on the positive things in my life, but I'm mostly grumpy and tired and feeling isolated and feeling like nothing will ever change. That's my truth for the day, and I'm not afraid to tell it.

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